Microlaryngoscopy Part II

Ok so I'm sure you're all dying to know what's happening with my voice... what did the other specialist say? Am I having surgery?

I'm going to try to keep this quick because I'm tired and need to go to bed, but here's the lowdown.

Last week I went to get a second opinion about whether I need surgery to remove my vocal nodules. This time the appointment was with both a surgeon and a speech pathologist, both at the same time.

They looked at my history, asked a lot of questions and then said my symptoms don't sound typical of nodules. Then they squeezed my tongue very hard again and put a metal tube with a camera on the end of it in my mouth (not up my nose thank god) and my vocal cords appeared on the TV screen. They got me to do various things with my voice (while still depressing my tongue) and watched the way the cords move. It's really quite amazing.

Then they said I don't have nodules.

And they showed me how the vocal cords were smooth and bump free. There is a slight swelling where the nodules used to be but certainly not the hard callousy lumps I was imagining. They said they couldn't operate because there was nothing to remove.

They also said my voice box is very "frothy". They showed me the froth around the larynx that shouldn't be there. Apparently it is acid from the stomach. Which is not good for the vocal cords at all. This could be the whole cause of my persistent voice problems. Which explains why my nodules have improved so much since I changed my diet.

They have put me on anti-reflux medication and said I should notice a difference in about 2 weeks. It has been a week and I still wake up with a very dry, burnt feeling in the back of my throat. I wonder if and when this is supposed to go away.

I also wonder how much the disappearing nodules can be attributed to change of diet & lifestyle, and how much is a result of the stuff one of my naturopath's gave me to put in my water (yes, one of my naturopaths!! i know...). It's very hard to say... the first surgeon said I definitely had nodules 3 or 4 weeks ago. I started putting the stuff in my water that same week. So maybe this is a wonder-cure or maybe I was just having a "good" day this time. Who knows???? Sometimes I wish I had an identical twin or a clone so that I could conduct experiments and her as my "control".

Anyway, the upshot is I'm not having surgery and in another week or so things might be looking dramatically better for my singing career...

Funny how things change.

I had to log straight back on after publishing that last post, because I am now grinning like a loon.

I signed out and quickly checked my email before shutting down, when I got this:

Hi Cara

For a start you have one of my favourite names ....

Thanks for your email and Im sorry I havent got back sooner.

Im quite taken by your offer and reckon we should have a go.

Im actually doing a show on ABC radio this Thursday

live from the Speigeltent . Have you got any time between

now and then ? Maybe you could do a song with me and see how we go .

What do you reckon ?

Mobile is 04XX XXX XXX or email.

Best wishes Rebecca x

Ok, the backstory. Quickly, because now I'm running late!

Last weekend I heard an Australian singer/songwriter who shall remain Rebecca, talking on the radio about her upcoming Speigeltent show in December. She mentioned she would love to get a piano player in. I was feeling particularly cheeky that day and decided to send her an email, offering my services. Sometimes I get these urges, and I knew I'd kick myself if I didn't at least ask.

I expected nothing to come of it, and so you can imagine my surprise at getting a response a week later. It sounds like she must be doing two Speigeltent shows, and wants to use the first one as a tryout for the second one. Maybe. I will have to chat to her when I have some time.

I sent a response saying thanks for making my day, and letting her know I have plenty of time on my hands since I "work from home". I am now bursting with excitement and nerves!! Yay!!

Ok really gotta fly... Espy calls!!
XO

Recording Blues

Feeling a little... glum.

I can't remember ever using that word before, but it's the only word that feels appropriate right now.

Two episodes of Sex and The City and a walk in the sunshine have failed to lift my mood. Hmmm, definitely something wrong.

I had a recording session for the final three album tracks scheduled for 11.30 this morning. It was teed up earlier in the week, and I had been looking forward to getting these tracks down and getting the album finished. In anticipation, I'd borrowed a Hammond organ and I even had a guitar lesson with Ric yesterday after Paris inspired/commanded me to learn guitar on a couple of songs, in a conversation that went something like this:

"I didn't know you played guitar!! Awesome! Learn as many songs as you can."
"Uhhh, I'm not very good..."
"Doesn't matter. How cool would it be at a gig to have you up there playing guitar on a few songs?"

I'm inclined to agree with her. I have been trying to teach myself guitar for the last 10 years, with not too much improvement. I am not, however, a very disciplined student.

So, I figured out my lead line for Better Than Life on guitar, plus chords for a few more songs, and went to see Ric the guitar guru for some polishing. He was extremely helpful and I am actually feeling optimistic about my future as a guitar goddess. Unfortunately that was only yesterday, so it hasn't all quite had time to sink in yet.

Nonetheless, I was up early this morning (despite being up till 2am and our newly wedded friends Louise & JP's house playing Monopoly). I did some cleaning that desperately needed doing, listening to Laura Veirs, Wilco and David Bowie for inspiration. Then I sat down at the piano and jammed along with a few songs to get warmed up.

By the time Tom arrived at 12.15 (he's not known for his punctuality), I realised that I probably didn't know these new songs as well as I should have, I'd spent a bit too much time on the guitar and not enough at the piano cementing the chords in my brain. Oh well... at least you could do multiple takes in a recording; more than one chance to get it right.

I'll spare you the blow by blow description: the recording just wasn't happening. I think I understood what I was aiming for, but several things were keeping me from achieving this. Firstly not being familiar enough with the songs. We'd played them in one rehearsal several weeks ago. Then the drums & bass had been recorded, which had been sent through via email. I'd listened to them and jammed along a bit, but it takes longer than that for me to really know a song. I'm just not a fast learner when it comes to music. Also since then, they have put down the guitar parts, so there's a whole lot on the recording which I'd never heard before and was supposed to fit in with.

Secondly, not being familiar enough with the Hammond. I was having trouble getting a sound which suited the track, I think we got there in the end, but I didn't know it like I know my instruments.

Thirdly, just not being a good enough piano player. One of the tracks that needed piano has a great feel which is a bit like Heroes by David Bowie, and also a bit like a Wilco song called Handshake Drugs. This song has a fantastic piano part, really bluesy sort of feeling and loose but tight if that makes sense. I realised yesterday that this song had a similar feel to ours, and had been trying to internalise it, and completely independently today Tom said "to get some ideas, maybe you should listen to this..." and played the exact same song. I laughed and said I'd been listening to it all day. But as we found out, it's gonna take a lot more than listening for me to be able to emulate something like that on the piano. We tried it, but after one shitty take I said I think I need to work on this a bit more.

Same story for the Hammond on the next track. It just wasn't happening and I couldn't work out why. I kept stuffing up the chords and couldn't remember for the life of me what I'd played in rehearsal that day. I know I was happy with what I did then, but I've no idea what it was. We had a listen to the recording we'd made that day, but it was too crappy and neither of us could make out the keyboard part. I realised later, that was because the majority of what I was playing that day was on tambourine!! No wonder I didn't know the song. All I was doing last time was keeping time!

So then we came to the guitar part, which fortunately worked better than the keyboard stuff. My hard work had paid off - mind you I still don't think I got one take of the verse perfect, but hey, I guess rock n roll's not meant to be perfect. At least this time I knew what I wanted to do, it was just a matter of getting it right. I think I got enough bits right for him to be able to cut & paste it together. My left fingertips are very sore now. Need callouses badly!!!

So that was it, and I feel crap about it. I should have been much better, but it's not all my fault. I hate this way of doing things, showing us a song once and then expecting us to record it. It's not the way I work well, something needs to be really in my bones before I feel comfortable enough to record it. In the past we'd worked on songs for ages in the rehearsal studio before recording them, and I know there are drawbacks to this but it's definitely my preference. Either that or spend months in a recording studio with someone else paying for it and have the chance to jam, experiment, etc until it feels right.

I asked Tom to email me the two new tracks with the guitar parts so I could practise with them. I'm going to have to ask if I can keep the Hammond for a couple of weeks I think, it will probably take me that long to get these tracks down. I'll have to try and learn that Wilco piano part and practise some blues... maybe that will help this little white girl get some soul.

Now I'm off to the Espy to help out on the door for RRR's 30th birthday gig. A great lineup - including Ground Components, Black Cab and Macromantics. Hopefully this will put me in a better mood!!!!

Microlaryngoscopy

"Microlaryngoscopy is a procedure that means the vocal folds are looked at in great detail with magnification. The magnification may be with a microscope, endoscope or by video enlargement. It is often accompanied by some additional procedure such as removal of a mass, swelling or tumor. Long delicate instruments or a laser may be utilized. It is sometimes performed in the office, though more typically it is performed in the operating room."

Sounds like fun...

For several years now I have been having trouble with my vocal cords. Whenever I get a cold, or have a big night, or yell too much, I lose my voice.

I think part of it is just genetic bad luck - my grandmother has a very scratchy voice and my auntie (her daughter) is practically hoarse. My sister also suffers from the same problem, you can tell when she's had a great weekend by how her voice sounds on Monday morning.

This wouldn't be much of a problem for me, except that I sing. I'm not an amazing singer or anything, but I love to sing, and have done so for many years, mostly in choirs and bands. I love harmonising and have always taken the alto part, as it's lower so easier for someone who loses her top register all the time, and also more interesting because it's hardly ever the melody. Which is why singing backing vocals in a band suits me, I love doing all those harmony parts. Except that my voice is so weak and unreliable that it has become a bit of a stressful thing.

About four years ago I went to see an ear nose and throat specialist, who stuck a tube with a tiny camera on it up my nose and down my throat to have a look at my vocal cords. He showed me where the nodules had formed, like callouses, from the cords banging together too much in the wrong way. When you speak and sing, the cords are supposed to come together in a wavelike motion to form the sound. When you yell and cough, the cords bang together harshly, and if this happens frequently nodules form. When nodules start to form, the cords try to come together when you speak, but can't close completely because of the lumps. This means more air gets through than usual, giving you a breathy, husky voice. Because it's now more effort to get the sound out, most people find themselves trying to force the sound out. This causes more banging and more breathiness and it's a vicious cycle.

So, I was referred to a speech therapist to teach me how to use my voice correctly and avoid this happening.

The problem was that while I understood what I was doing wrong, I was not prepared to change my lifestyle to fix it. I did the exercises I was given, sporadically, I admit, but having a job where I was on the phone all day, and going out a lot and yelling over loud music in smoky pubs & having no sleep did nothing to improve the problem. Eventually I stopped seeing the therapist, I was having no improvement and I hated feeling like crap every time I turned up for an appointment with no voice.

So, four years later, I still have nodules, only now it's more of a problem because it's interfering with the band. I want to be a reliable backing singer and I really want to improve my singing and make it more of a feature of the band, but every time I try to have singing lessons the nodules get in the way. My voice gets exhausted before we've even finished the warm up.

My singing teacher, Hayley, who I studied music with at uni and is now a professional singer & teacher, has had a few run-ins with nodules, and encouraged me to try two months of being a hermit - not going out, eating steamed vegetables & salmon for dinner every night to avoid reflux, no alcohol, no smoky places, less talking, etc etc to see if I could make them go away. That was in May. It's now November. I have noticed a little improvement, but as soon as I get a cold, or go somewhere unavoidably smoky, I lose my voice again. Hayley urged me to go back to the specialist and find out how the nodules look now, so I made an appointment.

The specialist kept me waiting for an hour and a half - thank god I wasn't trying to do that in a lunchbreak!! There's one of the many pros for not having a job. Finally my name was called and I was ushered in to a consultation room with about fifteen university degrees, doctorates etc on the wall. This wasn't like last time. I didn't see any cool video thing hooked up to a chair. That must be in an adjacent room.

The specialist finally came in, and while it's irrelevant to the story, I must make mention of his facial features. They were all extremely - big. I don't know how to explain it except that he looked a lot like Willem Dafoe. Not in a good way. In a creepy way. It was quite distracting.



Anyway, he looked at me expectantly and I started telling him why I was there. He cut me off. "So you're doing all the right things and nothing's changed?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I said.
"Let's have a look..."

He took a lighter out of his desk draw and lit a little lamp on his desk. He then produced a little mirror like the ones dentists use and held it over the flame. I guess to sterilise it. I thought this was the 21st century!

He put a tissue between his fingers and grabbed my tongue, squeezing hard. This was painful. Then he checked out my vocal cords with the mirror, getting me to make various sounds while he looked. Eventually the pain in my tongue became too great and I started replacing "ooo" with "OWWW!!". He got the message and let go.

"Well, you've got nodules," he said. "They're not huge, but they're there. I think you should have surgery."

Even though part of me was expecting this, I was a bit shocked. Surgery? I've never had surgery before. I had a burst blood vessel on my chest burned off when I was in primary school; it barely even left a scar. I didn't even go to hospital to have my wisdom teeth out, I had them yanked out one by one in the chair. Surgery on my voice sounded so scary - what if his hand slipped while he was cutting and I was left with no voice at all?? What if I never woke up from the general anaesthetic???

When I enquired about the chances of these things occurring he laughed and said there's no chance. I don't know how I'm supposed to believe that. He said the biggest risk is that they might chip a tooth because of all the stuff in my mouth.

I asked as many questions as I could think of, which wasn't many since I wasn't really prepared for this. He gave brief answers and volunteered very little information about the procedure. He did recommend I speak to Debbie Phyland, one of the leading speech pathologists in Australia, who has lots of experience with singers, to find out more. But he really didn't offer very much at all. I left feeling slightly baffled and nervous. I made a tentative appointment for the surgery, figuring if I spoke to Debbie and decided to go ahead, it would be good to have it all booked in already and not have to wait until next year. The surgeon said I would be singing three weeks after the operation. That to me seemed a little bit ambitious.

I went home & spent the rest of the day researching the procedure. Googling microlaryngoscopy gave me a world of information that my doctor couldn't be bothered to provide. The best website was here. By the end of the day I'd decided that the procedure was a pretty safe one, and that it might just be best to have the nodules removed and get on with the rest of my life, but I wasn't too keen on having someone operate on me who kept me waiting for an hour and a half, for five minutes of his time, and couldn't even produce a leaflet or website or anything about a routine procedure he performs all the time.

I spoke to Hayley and asked what she thought about it all, and she suggested I go to the place she normally goes to for her nodules. This is where Debbie Phyland works, and they have different surgeons there who do the same thing as Willem Dafoe, but she said they are much more sensitive about singers. She said she would come with me and ask lots of questions and remember the answers with me.

I made an appointment for two and a half weeks' time, but couldn't coordinate one at a time when Hayley was available. She promised to write down some questions for me before the day. I ended up organising Paris, our manager, to come with me, partly for moral support and partly because if I was going to make a decision about when to be out of action for 3-4 weeks, I was less likely to cop flack later if she was involved in the decision-making. Also she's smart and I knew she'd ask good questions.

The next few weeks positively flew by, and soon the day of the appointment approached. The situation was not ideal, it turned out I had a graveyard shift at 3RRR the night before the appointment. So I would be broadcasting from 2-6am, and then the appointment was at 9.45am. Not really enough time to get a sleep in between, but then what else would I do? I tooke everything I needed for the appointment with me to the station just in case.

THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT
I have been volunteering at RRR for over a year now, and I love it. It started with answering phones for their annual subscription drive, then I started doing the schedule for the weekly IT show, then I learned how to panel for that show (push the buttons to make things go on air) and then I was thrown into doing graveyard shifts. Once a month for the last few months I have been arriving at the station at a ridiculous hour with a huge bag of CDs under each arm, ready to fill four hours with music until the breakfast crew takes over. Fun parts: playing whatever the hell music I want, getting phone calls from random people listening to the station & enjoying, meeting the presenters before & after me. Not so fun parts: staying awake for a ridiculous number of hours and having your body clock fucked for the next 3 days, talking myself in circles so the whole world can hear it, getting phone calls from random loonies/stalkers. But overall I enjoy it and I know it is a stepping stone to something slightly less - inhumane.

THIS graveyard shift was different, I was going to have company.

Back in the uni days, I used to co-present the breakfast show once a week on Monash radio. When I say co-present, I mean I read the news and weather, and generally laughed at the other guys' jokes. The other guys were Disco Don (my boyfriend at the time: a very intelligent, slightly obnoxious guy who had a lot to say about everything) and Maximum Joe (his best mate: ditto). Together, they were Maximum Disco and I was their sidekick. Don and I took great pleasure in scouring op shops and cash converters for music to play on the show. It was a point of pride that we never paid more than a few dollars for anything we played, meaning we ended up with everything from Lionel Ritchie to Louis Prima. Despite the ridiculously early mornings, we used to have a ball.

So, recently I was chatting to Don and mentioned that I was doing some shows at RRR, and he expressed interest in getting back into something like that. So now, here we were, about to do our first radio show together in over five years.

It may sound weird, doing a radio show with your ex-boyfriend. But Don and I have remained friends, and I was hoping there would still be a good on-air chemistry between us. I have been trying to think of a way to sum up our relationship... I think that we were the right people who met at the wrong time, and with the combination of bad timing and even worse judgement, we both hurt each other quite badly. But somehow, that doesn't seem to have destroyed the respect we have for each other. I know I learned a lot from him, about who I was, who I wanted to be, and how to be brave enough to be that person. I guess I've never forgotten that he taught me those things, and the shit that went down between us is less important than that. That's my take, anyway, his may be completely different.

Anyway, I was right about the chemistry, we were great on air together. Once I got past the initial shock of having someone else in the studio with me, I relaxed and began to enjoy myself. Between songs we chatted about lots of random stuff, and it was lots of fun delving into his iPod to mix up the music selection a bit.

Adam listened to the last hour or so of the show, and said I was even funny!! ME!!! Amazing.

I was very happy with how it went and hopefully we can do more together in the future. Unfortunately Don told me he's moving to London next year, so the next few months might be our only chance. Oh well, it was good while it lasted!

After the show I was rather tired. I'd been awake since about 11am Wednesday and it was now 6am Thursday. I went home and hopped into bed for a few hours, before I had to get up for my voice appointment. I sent Paris a text saying I would be up at 8.30 and to call me after that. Then I put my phone on silent, set my alarm for 8.30 and went straight to sleep.

****

I woke with a start. Somehow, I knew immediately that something was wrong. What time is it? Shit!!!! It's 10.30!!! My appointment with the voice people was at 9.45. What happened to my alarm?? Sure enough, I had set it to the right time, but forgotten to switch it on. Dammit!!!

****

I rang the clinic and they were very understanding, and rescheduled me for the following week. Then I rang Paris to apologise for booking her in and then not turning up. We ended up talking for two hours or more, about the band, and life, and the future. It was a really good discussion. The more I get to know her the more glad I am she is involved in the band.

Then I cancelled the appointment I'd made for the surgery with Willem Dafoe. I just couldn't let someone like that cut me up. When the receptionist asked whether I wanted to reschedule the surgery, I said "Can I be honest with you?" and told her all about how I didn't feel comfortable about him and that he hadn't given me enough info etc etc. She was very good, and asked whether I would like to speak to the surgeon about it when he was in next.
"You know what," I said to her, "I think I'll skip the uncomfortable conversation thanks."
"Ok," she said. "We'll pass on your feedback."
I just didn't feel like saying all this all over again to someone who was probably going to get defensive about it and make me feel like shit. I just needed to get it off my chest, to someone.

So, the new appointment is for tomorrow, at 2.30. No-one was available to come with me this time, so I'm on my own. I have a list of questions from Hayley, and a whole lot of print outs from the internet, so I'm already much more prepared than last time. Wish me luck!

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was a beautiful day.

Really hot & intermittently sunny, the nice dry kind of hot, not the crappy muggy kind of hot. It got to 36c I think, just how I like it.

Late in the afternoon I took Chester for a walk to post some letters, coming back via the beach. I'm not sure if I've mentioned yet that the beach is virtually at the end of my street. A dodgy man-made beach with water as flat as a pancake, but a beach nonetheless.

We took our usual route down the walking track, diverting onto the sand where I removed my thongs and headed down to the water. Chester looked at me doubtfully. He does not like sand or water. He likes paths and straight lines. I think he is borderline OCD.

I stood with my feet in the icy water, soaking up the heat of the day and watching other people play with their real dogs. Chester stood at the water's edge, looking at me as if to say "can we go yet?". Occasionally one of the real dogs would come up to say hello, and Chester would be mean to them as usual. They soon got the message. He's such a grumpy old man.

I took a few photos on my phone of Chester, my feet in the water, and the mysterious plume of smoke on the horizon.



Today was not so photogenic.

Again, really hot and dry, but a horrible, overblown, nasty sort of hot. The northerly felt like it was blowing straight off the desert, even though there isn't one for hundreds of kilometres. The sky was dark and dirty, like it would pour down muddy rain at any moment.

I actually didn't realise how hot it was until quite late in the day. Google got the forecast wrong again, and it wasn't until I had to visit my outside loo at about 4pm that I felt the heat. I decided to take Chester to the beach again - he seems to sleep for about 23 and a half hours a day, so I try to exercise him at least once a day.

There were a few families scattered along the shore, I chose a spot not too close to any and again headed down to the water. An energetic setter bounded towards us and Chester bared his teeth in a low growl. Friendly. At least it meant the dog didn't clamber all over me with its wet paws. I don't love wet dog smell.

Chester laid down in the sand this time, surprising me. He will spend the rest of the night getting the sand out no doubt. I think he realised it was the only way to get cool without going in the water. He walked up quite close to it at one point, a few cms, but when a wave threatened to lap his paws he retreated. I toyed with the idea of splashing him but if I did that I'd never get him this close to it again. For a dog with such a tiny brain he has a good memory for some things. Like the vet.

I decided it was home time just in time. As we were walking back the wind picked up and it became almost unbearable outside. Chester picked a fight with a big, scary looking dog. Chester is a 2kg ball of fluff with no testicles. I don't know why he does it. Maybe it's small man's syndrome.

Just before we had a power surge and I think it's going to rain soon. No plans for tonight, looks like another round of Sex & the City DVDs & maybe some keyboard practice. I got a new amp to try out yesterday. A Hartke KM100. It sounds pretty good but I'm not sure whether it has the balls to cut it with the rest of the band. I need a new amp because the one I have at the moment is a Yamaha KS100 which is a huge heavy thing that I can't get into the car. Probably weighs about 60kg. We got it for free ages ago and it sounds fantastic. It's just a bitch to move. I'm hoping the Hartke is good enough because i get a really good price through my uncle. If not the Roland KC350 is exactly what I need, I will just have to pay a bit more and get that one.

Anyway, enough tech talk... here comes the storm. Enjoy.

Brisbane

Brisbane was lovely.

I had worked so hard leading up to the launch I just needed a break, to get away from my computer and to spend some quality time with Adam. Which is exactly what I did.

The weather was much warmer than it had been in Melbourne, although it did rain a bit and there were a few cloudy days. There was one gorgeously sunny day that I spent by the pool in my bikinis, the other days I spent a lot of time on the couch, watching TV. I walked into the city most afternoons, where Adam would meet me after work and we'd walk home together.

Adam's apartment is in South Brisbane, right next to Southbank. It has a big balcony & a great view of the river that snakes through Brisbane, and is about a 20min walk to the city. And about a 10min walk to Cold Rock, the best ice cream in the world!! If I were not in a band I would definitely move up there with him. Brisbane is a really pretty city, and what great weather! Apparently it gets too hot in summer, but the winter was glorious!

Adam has Foxtel up there and had gotten into Rockstar Supernova, and taped the last few weeks for me, so I totally got into that. I'm obsessed with Australian Idol, I've always liked talent shows, I was brought up on Young Talent Time, Pot Of Gold and New Faces, so Aust Idol is the natural extention of this I suppose. But Rockstar is SO much better!!! Everything about it - the lighting, the songs, the talent, the band, the judges... just so much better. Idol is quite shit in comparison. But I still love it!!!

On Sunday night we went to a salsa club in the Valley called Allumbra. There is an Allumbra in Melbourne but this was heaps better. A decent sized dance floor & not lumpy like the Melbourne one, a good band and heaps of good salsa dancers. We tried, but salsa's quite new to us and we're not very good yet. It was great just to watch the real dancers at work, I was particularly admiring one girl who had a hot pair of white capri jeans on. I decided I wanted a pair. The body to go with it would be good too but the jeans would be a good start.

Later on we were attempting to dance and mainly getting in everybody's way when i felt this sharp pain in my calf, like i'd been stabbed. "Motherfucker!" I shrieked (an involuntary response) and at the same time whipped my head around to see who had kicked me. To my horror, the owner of the offending 4 inch stiletto was none other than girl with hot white capri pants. The best dancer in the place. The one i wanted to be like. I had just called her a motherfucker. Whoops.

"Oh my god I'm sooo sorry!" I gushed. "That just came out, I didn't mean it."

Later when I was nursing a bruise the size of a tennis ball (how does a stiletto heel cause that?) I decided my swearing really was justified, it must have been a very hard kick!

The next night Adam and I attended salsa class to brush up our skills a bit. It had been a very long time since I'd attended a dance class of any kind, and I struggled a bit with the concept of learning a routine. Compounded by the fact that they had started learning the routine last week, so I was coming in half way through. I got through it ok and managed to enjoy it but realised I need to do a lot more work if I want to be a confident salsa dancer.

It was great spending so much time with Adam. We have been apart for over 6 months now, and weekend visits every few weeks are never long enough. This would be 10 days in a row, including the CD launch, my week in Brisbane, and Adam coming back to Melbourne with me for the following weekend. What luxury!!

We cooked dinner together a few nights which was nice, I get a bit over cooking for one and I think he does too. We also went out a few times, including one night with Adam's friend Rob. We met up straight after work and saw An Inconvenient Truth, which definitely got us thinking and talking. After that went to a pub in the city that had comedy/theatre sports on, and had an appalling counter meal while watching some fairly funny people do their thing. It was a weird combination of activities but a fun night, and I really like Rob, he's a lovely guy. I'd met him before, briefly, at a work lunch with lots of other people, so hadn't really spent any time with him. But I feel good now knowing that Adam has a friend like him to hang out with, see movies once a week and be hilarious with. I do get worried about him being lonely up there. It's ok for me, I've still got all my friends around me and life goes on, poor Adam sometimes only has Foxtel for company. Not the funnest dinner date!!!

The week was over way too soon and we flew back together (a rare event for us!) for a weekend of chaotic funness.

Saturday: Adam plays Paintball Skirmish with a huge group of our friends. Cara is too much of a wuss so goes shopping for Derby Day (horse race) with the girls - Bridgett & Claire - also too wussy to do Paintball. We spend the day looking at shoes, dresses and fascinators. Fun!! Sore feet ensue.

Saturday night: Adam's friend Mimma celebrates her 30th birthday at an italian restaurant in Werribee. A very enjoyable gathering despite us both being rather tired. This is a group of friends we don't see very often, and I feel my age when one couple are just back from their honeymoon and another bring pictures of their new baby. We are grown ups now!!! When did this happen??? As the dinner came to a close we reluctantly headed to the city to see some friends who are leaving to live in New Zealand. We really couldn't be bothered going to the city but they're leaving so what can you do? It was horribly smoky & loud in the club (what did I say about getting old?) and we stayed the minimum polite amount of time before racing towards bed.

Sunday: Lots of sleep. Can't remember much else. Must've taken Adam to the airport. Did a fill on 3RRR 10pm till midnight, the third one i have done for this timeslot recently. It went well, although my voice was feeling very tired after a full 10 days of being able to talk to Adam whenever I wanted to.

Tomorrow: an appointment with the voice specialist to check out my nodules and see whether he thinks they're improving or not. Dummm da dum dum!